Updated: 3 days ago
Psychological Abuse and How It Works
By Kelly Winsa
Two adult men posed as legal advisers to my 14 yr old son. He was told these men would help him and they encouraged him to sign an affidavit. The men (G. Gottlieb and R. Aalto) then threatened me, saying they would stall my hearing if I did not include them in the hearing, during which they were summarily dismissed by Judge Paisley who said, "I have not seen this in twenty years on the bench". This happened while my son was hidden, while I had custody, and I had won an appeal in Ontario saying so, and in Hawaii. The court did not do anything further to protect us, and the psychological abuse continued unrelenting. This is unacceptable. The 3 stages of child trafficking are: recruitment, movement, exploitation. My children were removed from Hawaii and hidden in a new house, taken to legal advisers to make false affidavits, showing them that the legal system had not power because I had custody and had no power. A child in shock looks for a person for affection. The group posed as their family. The children only needed to say things about their mother, they were fed ideas about their protective parent. These are the tools of child predators and child traffickers.
This system has failed. Custody/parenting is a word only and does not mean anything.
We must not forget that child abuse happens all over Toronto and when police do not believe children, they are abusing those children.
One of the problems of discussing psychological abuse is that the people involved are so harmed by the entanglement. The abuse is focused to isolate, and deprive love. The damage from this to parents and the child is so harmful because it is designed to be that way.
In order to tell your story you have to believe it has worth. Michelle Obama
Psychological Abuse is often a group or team effort. The parent is being targeted. The child is being targeted. Isolation, deprivation, and shaming are all tools of the person using psychological entanglement.
Legal advisers are not advising clients of the law. They are on a mission to win at any cost. This cost is very high for children - child abuse.
At the very first hearing in Ontario, my child was safely with a family friend, away from the litigation. He was abducted by his father, driven for several hours, taken to a small windowless room and then guarded by two male police officers. Did he go into shock? The judge allowed this to happen and sent him home with his father. There had been a temporary restraining order in place in the proper jurisdiction, which the judge had in front of him. The legal adviser lied to the judge about not receiving it until August which she summarily admitted was false, three years later. My child suffered black outs soon after this.
When my former partner showed up during the term of the TRO to take the children without my knowledge, he came with his brother. Two adult men showing up during a court order saying he could not. This is a show of power. He organized a large group of relatives who segregated the children and spoke about me in front of them. My children told me this. Then they were no longer allowed to contact me. Before the trial, they were stopped from sleeping over. When we got to trial it became this: the children don't visit so she doesn't need any child support.
The child is made to sign a new affidavit after he has written one of his own words saying he will not have custody. The new one will allow the father to gain child support, in essence, negating the freedom the child has written for himself.
This will go on for over 4 years.
The Environment of Abuse of Children Which the Court Holds no Boundary For:
but I want that (but I lack that)
I think that the sentence repeated by the person using abuse/violence is ‘but I want that’. They do not know that rules are there to protect people. The law says that separation and divorce are the heightened dangerous times. I know this to be true from experience. When you say ‘No’ to someone who uses violence, they do not hear it. They choose people around them who do not see you.
Bombastic threats, driving the children around and keeping them separated from me - the boys have had their eyes opened wide. One son chose to go live with his brother, and put off his athletic goal. They knew what was going on. Winsa and Henderson family members all participated. The group was 'large' said my child.
My children have said many things which lead me to believe that there has been discussion that my very contact with the children to discuss what has happened, is grounds for a restraining order which they might be asked to participate in. This, despite Judge Pollack’s words, you cannot control/stop her.
This points to a far larger issue of systemic psychological entrapment and enabling. The children may be held to be used: police make short visits to manage but do not go further because they are talking to the person holding the children. False affidavits written quickly and served without due notice cannot be read and defended. The volume of these materials is used to contract any real justice. This letter is by no means complete. It is not possible to track the details here. Many adults wrote letters to me, some were lawyers, all were defamatory.
The summer of 2015 was a critical time for us. We had been separated for one year, and were returning to the United States for the children’s school. My husband would not accompany us. We had been living there for 5 years.
My husband discovered I had applied for a new passport for a child and he tried to detain us by stopping the process. I was leaving a person who used violence. I had a Temporary Restraining Order which I gave to Passport Canada. They eventually gave me a passport for one year for my child using this document.
Ontario: My husband then served me with a form of jurisdiction papers so my younger child and I could not leave Ontario. My older child decided to leave for school in the US on his own.
My husband was stalking the younger child at the hotel we were staying at. I would get up at night and follow my child in the dark to make sure the father did not take him.
The father abducted the child on the morning of the hearing arriving several hours late, his lawyer telling a story full of false statements including that she had not received the Temporary Restraining Order when she did. The child was isolated in a small room and police officers were gathered in the lobby to keep him separate. I believe the lawyer told them a story. The Peterborough judge ordered an expensive report to discover the views of the child. The therapist said the child had been influenced. She said he would not be harmed by returning to Hawaii with his mother. The judge gave the child to the father.
Within a month I was at an emergency hospital room with my child who told me he had blackouts the previous day.
Six months later, Ontario Divisional Court overturned the Peterborough judge. Judge Patillo wrote that the father influenced the child. The judge made palpable errors.
In December 2015 in Hawaii the Third Circuit court decided Hawaii was the proper forum for the divorce. In Hawaii: Judge Wilson ( Third Circuit Hawaii) wrote (Dec 9, 2015)
“The concerns of the Canadian Court of risk of physical harm by the steps taken by a 13 year old boy, who was encouraged by his father to engage in inappropriate behavior should not be rewarded. Pursuant to the report submitted in the Canadian Court, this Court concludes that if C.H. were returned to Hawaii for a custody determination, removed from his father’s inappropriate influence, there would be no basis for the Canadian Court to retain emergency or any other jurisdiction.”
Judge Wilson specifically wrote that Hawaii had jurisdiction over the parents because they jointly owned a property and had lived there for five years. He said the children’s doctors, teachers, and friends were in Hawaii. Toronto was 5,000 miles away.
The father hired 2 adult male lawyers to interview the child while hiding the child from the mother. These lawyers threaten the mother. She says they cannot interview the child. They write “You are denied”. (Gottlieb and Aalto) A judge says he hasn’t seen this kind of behavior in twenty years on the bench. The judge reiterates that Ontario has no jurisdiction.
The child is still hidden. The lawyer Ms. T. MacLean takes the documents which were taken irregularly from the child by the adult male lawyers and sends them to the TCAS, requesting that they begin a 45 day investigation. In an affidavit signed by her own assistant, she says that the mother was having the father investigated by the TCAS. This never happened. This is an example of psychological entrapment to present something as regular which is irregular. Ms. T. MacLean was writing materials to change the judge’s order, and to change Divisional Court and Hawaii Third Circuit decisions against her.
Toronto: The psychological abuse within these actions is heightened by an affidavit the father wrote. He moves the child. The mother waits outside the known address for the child to meet with him. The father writes an affidavit which describes her actions as irregular. An affidavit is a sworn statement. This is shown to a judge so the father can get custody after he has removed the mother’s freedoms. (will continue throughout)
Ms. T. MacLean wrote to the mother, “Stop telling people (child’s name) is missing. You know where he is. He is with (father’s name)” The letter goes on to say more. The Hawaii lawyer of the father goes further: he says ‘You are delusional’. Later he will claim the mother resided in a mental institution in a motion to take control of the last remaining asset.
The child is summarily hidden by these men and by the father, his lawyers, and some family members aware of what is taking place.
The two adult male lawyers have been hired and represented to the child as child lawyers but they are not court appointed child lawyers.
Summer 2016/After Divisional Court Ruling + Hawaii Third Circuit Court Ruling:
While the child is hidden and an investigation begun by the father’s lawyer in a province (Ontario) that does not have any jurisdiction:
- The father hires a new lawyer in Hawaii and gives permission to do ‘whatever it takes’ to keep the child. (stated in court under oath)
- The new lawyer contacts Homeland Security, flags the mother’s passport. The lawyer later says in court that he doesn’t know immigration law. This is a message delivered to the mother and the judge and that message is: I don’t care about the law.
- This lawyer goes to a court hearing where he talks a judge into overturning jurisdiction though she is not allowed to overturn a fellow judge’s ruling. He also overturns custody and support payments. The father had been using the payments to pay his own costs for mortgage and car, but the ruling assures the child can be turned over to him, and that the assumption of power is absolute. The overturning of the jurisdiction/custody/support is a show of power.
In Hawaii there is a Rule or Law of the Case. If you don’t appeal within 30 days you have lost the ability to change a court ruling. You cannot retry the ruling at the same level court.
Children are wise. Seeing this behavior and hearing about it in the house would be plenty to keep them quiet. They were also told that the mother defending herself would get her in trouble. When police came to the door, ‘managing’ only fifteen to twenty minutes in the father’s home, the father told the children various stories that the police sided with him. I believe many times this was not inaccurate as many believed the stories.
Ms. T. MacLean threatened to contact Homeland Security to stop the appeal, in March the previous year. The threat was about power and control. The group did speak to Homeland Security several times, trying to have the mother arrested at the border, even when the older child was waiting for her.
The Law Society said it was a police matter. They could not intervene. “We do not police lawyers.” was what D. Cass said.
Ms. T. MacLean wrote that the issue was dropped by the Law Society, just as she said the police investigation was dropped.
Justice Horkins (m), suggested that Judge Paisley’s signature had been forged. The first thing Judge Horkins said, leaning over in my direction was, “This doesn’t look like Judge Paisley’s signature.” I asked the judge to call Judge Paisley which he did and while he was out Ms. T. MacLean began yelling that the judge needed to come back, that she wanted $2,000. She already knew Judge Paisley had signed the order but had forgotten, I believe because the head clerk told me he had told her before the hearing.
I said to Judge Horkins, “Do you see what is happening here?” and he said “Yes.” and his face turned red.
Judge Horkins (f) was the judge at the first Ontario hearing. She suggested that I could not get a visa to the US because they were difficult. She also said I would not be able to speak for myself.
By this point the group had overturned several court orders, hidden a child over 18 months, moved the jurisdiction to Ontario where the mother did not have proper support (900. mo) and did not have a place to live. (Part 2: Economic Abuse)
late Middle English: via Old French from Latin abus- ‘misused’, from the verb abuti, from ab- ‘away’ (i.e. ‘wrongly’) + uti ‘to use’. Oxford
I offer two stories of support - of elders who recognized the p/a.
During the holidays in December just before the separation, I went to Ontario to check on our house which was for sale. I didn’t want anyone to know where I was for safety, so I told the children at the last moment and they went to their trusted Hawaiian grandmother. She had taken care of them since the youngest was an infant and my children played with her grandchildren. She is also a highly respected member of the community.
Phones play an important role in the manipulation of children. My children were found walking on the highway. The father had instigated behavior that was dangerous. He continued to non-stop contact her and the children.
The second story is in spring of 2018. My Great Aunt Margy was now in an elder home as she was near the end of her life. She was the last of my grandmother’s sisters, and I was very close to her. She shared her story with me, and I with her. Her great age and wisdom saw through everything. She also was a woman of clear language.
I told the lawyer I could not attend a pre trial conference. The lawyer asked for this in writing, I complied. It is important to note that this was the second conference. The first one: the lawyer had not contacted the OCL lawyer who therefore did not attend. The lawyer made up a story of why. The lawyer wrote back saying the judge wanted to have the conference in June, but I said I could not attend the June 15 conference, and I wrote this to the OCL lawyer so that she could tell the other lawyer, who was not listening.
The conference was held. I was charged 600. During the first conference my brief had been lost by the court. This means that the judge did not read my brief before the conference. This also means that the second conference where I was not present, did not include my brief.
My Great Aunt passed on June 16. I had been to see her for three days. She was staying in a lovely room and her children filled it with her books. She and I talked. She could see things without me saying anything. I told her I was worried about my youngest. She said, that is reasonable.
My friend lent me her credit card so I could go and see my Great Aunt. At that time, the f/a was so great that I had nothing left and needed to regroup, which I would do. When you have two children missing, it is a significant event in your life. I came to understand that my growth would help my children.
The choice to visit my aunt was one of the most important choices in my life. I was raised up by her, just as I raised up my own sons. Any choice we make to uplift ourselves helps our children. They have our DNA and the DNA of the mitochondria, the power centre of the cell, comes only from the mother.
This is a costly systemic problem which our community must address.
DVAC HAWAII The Domestic Violence Action Centre in Oahu:
Domestic Violence Action Center makes a difference in the lives of island families, children, marginalized communities across the State. We meet survivors on their journey. We educate the community. We encourage youth to learn about healthy relationships. We speak to the press about this complex, costly problem. We work with our community allies to reform the system. We do what we can and what we must to bring hope and healing to this community. We do it with you.
Community is the important factor. If we keep our experience inside only ourselves, then we wonder, did I do wrong? Community helps us see the higher purpose, and the strength we have shown.
I learned early on that my immediate family did not support me, and were aggressively acting. My father used p/a in a family pattern to say that my voice ‘called others down’. Part of growing up, being an adult, is recognizing family patterns that do not serve us, and do not serve the future generation.
Measuring the Effects of Domestic Violence on Women’s Financial WellBeing
Next: Part 2 Economic Abuse