Updated: Jun 11
Good enough parentis a concept deriving from the work ofD. W. Winnicott, in his efforts to provide support for what he called "the sound instincts of normal parents...stable and healthy families"
The new Divorce Act has a provision that the legal adviser of an individual must 'inform the party of the duties under this act'. I repeat this so that we do not go off course. Psychological abuse is about misuse of information. It is diametrically opposed to truth.
A judge allowing a party to not disclose in her/his courtroom is the same as a teacher allowing bullying in hers/his.
And the truth of it is, when you allow lying/bullying you will also be lied to and bullied. The cut off point is not the other party only. That same party will lie directly to you.
It was not unusual to discover that my child could no longer sleep over. He had been coming for lunch all summer, but as the trial approached, he told me this. Then at the trial the father's legal adviser said that I would need no support because I never saw the child. This straight forward manipulation was so common that today I see that my son is not cashing his allowance and I know something is afoot.
There are dozens of emails shown to me by my kids which show their aunt saying she does not agree with me, the legal guardian, and is this email private, dear (child's name). There is a word for this and it is priming.
Judge Pollack said to the father, who claimed he was supporting the children, 'after priming..." meaning he was using lip service and nothing more.
In order to tell the truth, you must be blunt. At the end of trial, the judge was aware that money had been lost because our final property had not been rented for two years. The legal adviser and my former partner came up with the story that it was because of a leak, and they needed a loan. The judge, nor I, knew that they had an offer on the property. However, they didn't want anyone to know that the property would have been seen mismanaged. So they just made it up. The apartment roof had never leaked and could have been rented.
Someone who is using minor children to get something is hoping that you will not tell. This is a very young response to the issue. A good enough parent* will see the pattern. A good enough parent has the boundaries necessary to carry the case through to the finish.
My child had been abducted with initial lies to the beginning judge. The lies did not stop. This is child abuse. It is not pretty, but it is real and needs to be seen.
What do you do when the person in the black robe allows the financial and psychological abuse? We now know that many judges do not know the law - cases go to the Supreme Court before the case is turned back for lack of knowledge of the law. The federal government has just made it so that new judges must be trained. Judgements have made it to the Supreme Court without the judge having correct knowledge of the law.
The lives of children and parents, the time in their life they have decided to be free, is that something we are willing to take for granted? Financial Disclosure is not flexible in divorce. You must financially disclose your assets, income because they are divided in half.
When a judge allows a primary breadwinner to not disclose, when a judge holds the other party somehow responsible though they have not had any access to their former partners financial statements ~ this opens all the mistreatments of individuals.
If a child is relying on his mother to be able to protect him and his father won't display his financials, then the child is powerless. This happens to fathers too. Legal advisers who are willing to lie do it to all.
When there has not been financial disclosure, when legal advisers do not tell their client that this is mandatory - the system is fundamentally abusive. It is abusive of the individual, (rights and freedoms) but criminally involved in child abuse.
Non-disclosure is becoming a common strategy. So this law, is provisionally important. The law is confirmed on June 21.
How do we hold accountable those who are legal advisers who do not follow the law?
They will now be breaking the law if they do not advise their clients accordingly.
This is a very interesting law. These next few months will show whether those in the courtroom carry it out.
The new Divorce Act has a provision that the legal adviser of an individual must 'inform the party of the duties under this act'. I repeat this so that we do not go off course. Phscyological abuse is about misuse of information. It is diametrically opposed to truth.
This means that there can be no collusion between client and legal adviser in avoiding the law. Financial abuse is against this law. Psychological abuse is against this law.
This responsibility reveals that the future, beginning in June, 2020, will be a regulated environment for mothers, fathers, and children.
In the past: there has been extensive collusion between client and adviser in an attempt to 'win'. What has been 'won' is not relevant to the safety of children and their parents. It is about money, which props up the system.
Further: there is a 10 year possible sentence for hiding or abducting a child.
Commonly psychological abuse has gone hidden, as it is now required by law to be revealed. Power over mothers by using their children is now over.
Great psychological damage has been done to countless children in Ontario, causing these children to need psychiatric care. This inexcusable result from the needs of legal advisers to accumulate wealth cannot sustain in Canada. The federal government has written this law and it protects all children in Canada.
The new law defines: Family Violence, psychological violence (entrapment using safety of a parent against a child, using safety of child against a parent), financial violence (using money to deprive a spouse of needs in order to control + isolating spouse from child, child from spouse, in order to control)
There needs to be training programs for police, for clerks, bailiffs, judges, and all service personnel so that these individuals are no longer being targeted. In the past, the whole system has deprived freedom from the very people seeking individuation. They found themselves in a place 'not very nice' ( a parent in an elevator describing the family court)
The family court is a service. If it is not providing service then there is no need for it. This law takes care of this problem as now all legal advisers in all cases are responsible to the family for its safety. They can no longer use members of the family against the others in order to make a living.
The full law is here: https://www.parl.ca/DocumentViewer/en/42-1/bill/C-78/royal-assent
The New Divorce Act comes into force June 21, 2020.
*The Good Enough Parent by D.W. Winnicott