A Mother's Blog Epilogue

Updated: Jan 10, 2019


This is a 13 year old article about the lawyer. 13 years later, the lawyer sent me an email saying, "One phone call to Homeland Security could have her deported. The appeal would become moot." The family had continuing visas for our term in Hawaii. My eldest son has another visa from his school to attend. What was the strategy? Is this a divorce court matter, or a criminal court matter?

I did not quit my career to raise a child for 18 years and discover that he was a pawn in a divorce which ultimately cost him his athletic training and goal. I did not have a second child to see him abducted from me and his caregiver and see that there was no protection for him. What laws are necessary to enact safety for children? What morals are required to uphold these laws?

I was ordered to pay both child support and costs to my former partner. What message is this sending to children?

What is hiding in the corners?

"It is not surprising then, that architects and designers have looked up to Nature for all things inspiring, useful and wise. If Nature is to us a 200,000-year-old Mother, we are her reckless children, testing her patience by burning coal and feeding the North Pacific trash vortex. While we, the members of human civilisation, keep busy growing up - fixing carbon and fighting the coal-burning culprits - Nature grows old and weary in all her meridians, to the point where she can no longer mother." Neri Oxman, Guest Editor, Wallpaper, Oct. 2018

We are squeezing children. We are creating mental illness in children.

Imagine the child watching, sitting in a home he has been hidden in and learning that a judge ok'd this.

In court, you are encouraged to be silent with your children. In one letter to my now 17 year old son, I mentioned mental illness. The judge had our emails monitored by the court and available to the lawyer. My sons stopped emailing me.

What is going on? Are the vanity of judges and lawyers more important than a simple divorce? The divorce court is a mastery of abuse, though no one would use these words. Untrained people are deciding which schools children go to. In summer of 2017, a judge gave a law book to the lawyer attempting to take my child, while I had called the session because my child had been abducted. Though both Hawaii and Ontario said I had custody, the judge was telling the other lawyer that her plea to have custody turned over to the dad was written incorrectly. Then she handed over a book and the plea was rewritten in front of me. An assault. This judge overruled an Ontario appeal court. (see more Blog 2) When I said to her, after she gave custody back to the father, though the child had never been returned to me though I had custody, "I have not received justice for the second time." she asked me when was the last time I had seen my son. Since we were in court because I had reported my son as abducted, it was clear she simply didn't care.

Judges do not have training. I submit that they are not appointed or vetted by any clear cut system. It is rumored that one judge can have a friend nominated and this has been successful. I saw judges that completely ignored my painstaking evidence of financial abuse. The trial judge, at the end of a long four year divorce (and many are longer. I heard 7 years from a good friend) called me out in his writing for taking money from an education fund, after 3 years of depleting my resources. I did not want to take this money. I had saved it over five years from a house fund. The same judge said that my former partner took 100,000. "for business reasons" this during a signed Separation Agreement. Meaning, that money was for my use. I had two children with me. I went into debt to contain mortgage payments. Did I receive any relief? There was not.

In France, there is a lycee for judges. They are trained and not all become judges. This creates an environment of responsibility.

I had been awarded 3,500. in Hawaii for child support. My former spouse used this money for his share of mortgage and credit line payments. Did he return this money. He did not. He took over the sum entirely when I couldn't make a car payment, which of course happened.

These are not stories. These are happening every day. Parents are being deprived of their children, their children are being taken from them.

My child was put on ADHD drugs after testing positive while living with his father. There were no medical records taken from Hawaii (where his medical history and family practitioner are) and I was not informed. The new test showed hearing loss. The test was given to me to read only after I requested it in court. When I was told my son had been put on drugs, I researched to discover the drug had been banned in Canada for 3 years in 2008, the drug was changed. The child was not suffering from ADHD. He tested negative in Hawaii. This is about something else, and this something else is dangerous. To prescribe drugs to a child without the pediatrician's input is a criminal matter. There is control, and there is health.

I recently finished reading "Women Talking" by Miriam Toews. In it, the author discusses many things involved in families, secluded from society. But each of us, in our family, is working things out to the best of our ability. When we leave, it is not normal for us to find that it is worse out there. It is not ok to ask why women do not leave families where violence is used when we treat them and their children as outsiders. We need to evaluate how we are going to support people, not judge them.

In "Critical Thinking", Rolf Reber says, in Changing The Environment (2016, Cambridge University Text)

"It is a human tendency to attribute a mishap to victims and to think that they have to change in order to improve a situation. In a study about counterfactual reasoning, the experimenters presented a scenario where the driver of the car died after an accident by a drugged teenager.

(Kahneman and Tiversky, 1982). When asked about how this accident could have been prevented, the participants focused on what the victim of the accident could have done, not on how the teenager could have acted differently. Even relatives of victims who died in a car accident reacted in the same way and rarely considered other parties involved or the circumstances. Similarly, when a persons feels bad, or wants to feel better, we often look for how this person could change her thoughts or attitudes in order at attain a more positive state. We sometimes ask ourselves whether a little gift might help, which is a small external change. but we rarely ask how we could change the environment or the circumstances to make the person feel better. This is unfortunate because changing the external context is a powerful proficiency of feeling better."

Reber says later that we all choose our friends, that Aristotle said friends were important for forming our environment, and to have a good place to share our experiences and feel part of a society.

I feel that the subjugation of freedom of the spiritual and soul nature of human beings needs to be addressed.

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